Meditative Prayer for World AIDS Day 2012 by the Rt Reverend Albert Bogle, Moderator to the Church of Scotland General Assembly 2012-2013

Lord,

I'm glad I can talk to you. 

You’re always there - 

even when my head is somewhere else. 

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed 

ashamed, afraid to face the future.

It’s hard living with a stigma. 

It’s not what people say. 

It’s what they don't say. 

It’s the knowing smiles, 

and the sheepish looks. 

They all add up to a feeling of accusation.

Lord, 

I’m glad I can talk to you 

Nothing surprises you. 

You’ve been where I’ve been 

You’ve felt the discrimination 

Experienced the betrayal 

the hurt 

the name calling 

the whispering in corners 

the religious prejudice.

Lord, 

You make me feel whole again 

You include me in 

You make me feel understood 

Your extravagant generosity 

leaves me speechless. 

Words fail me as I try to say 

Thank you 

You draw me 

You give me a place in the picture 

You tell me 

I belong even when I can't believe.

Lord, you’re unbelievable!

Latest Findings (2013)

This is our latest standing on HIV cure, how close we are and the current barriers.

Defense Games

Ever since, I have always been fascinated by online games, apps etc... the most appealing to me are defense games. It is a game where you have to protect your base from invaders by setting up towers that kill the invaders that are on their way to the base, you will be given a certain number of lives and then once they are able to enter, that's it. Game Over

Now, I see this game on a whole new perspective, the base as my body, the towers as my immune system and the enemies as the virus. Recently, I take it more seriously every time I play them. it felt like my life is at stake here... Its true, our lives are at stake the moment we don't take care of ourselves.

What are the things that can help us increase our cd4 count?

1. check with your doctor of what vitamins you should take because it might interfere with the virus

2. cut smoking, alcohol and drugs if applicable

3. eat healthy 

4. exercise

5. rest

6. avoid stress and sleeplessness 

You may not see the results right away but it helps.

The First Look

People have known me to be confident with my looks, personality etc... that is why the moment I found out that I am HIV positive, my confidence took a dive.

The very first time somebody gave me the judgmental look was when I was having lunch at the cafeteria in RITM (Research Institute for Tropical Medicine in Alabang). I was walking to my table when a male nurse walked pass me looking at me from head to toe with a look of disgust in his face.

I could forget the look on his face for days. It has become the most embarrassing moment of my life, that every time that I remember that moment I feel like punching the wall or my face.

This I believe that this reaction is just normal and I know (and I hope) that this will pass.

Please pray for me.

The Big Reveal

I just found out that I am HIV positive  last March 10th, 2013 in a mass testing in Malate Manila.
Me and my partner of one year thought it was the responsible thing to do.

We were both very confident that the results would be negative for both of us because we always practice safe sex. But when I found out that we were both positive... It felt like i just received my death sentence.

I cried like there was no tomorrow for a week, even people at my workplace were startled to see me that way (I would burst into tears all of a sudden) because I am always very lively.

The shock that I have felt at the time was incomparable. I would try to forget by watching a comedy films and laugh my heart out... But the moment I remember that I have this condition, my smile would fade away and then more tears would flow.

And then there was the panic. I suddenly became aware of ALL of the sensations that I felt in my body. Every small pain felt like a ticking time bomb.